Great Scot!
by AgentRusco
Summary: A gross massive crossover parody. Truely amazing. Includes three of the biggest trilogies of all time. Chapter 2 with Liam, chapter 3 with Jacks.
1. The Big ONE

**Author's Note:** _Though I wrote this, I am NOT responsible. I was simply having fun times. I don't claim any of the things I reference and I don't expect a bunch of people to love it, but I did it anyway. A massive crossover parody. Lesse if I can even name all of the things I reference. Matrix, LOTR, Back to the Future, Star Wars, Princess Bride, Ice Age, Emperor's New Groove, Lion King, Smallville, Jak, Mummy, Galaxy Quest, Incredibles, Shrek 2, and quite possibly others. Anyway, I hope it causes some laughter even scornful laughter is ok…_

So there's this dude walking along, but it is not just any dude, it happens to be nifty Neo himself, but not as we know him, this Neo is a youngling. The youngling Neo walks along the street to his good ol' friend's house. Now his friend is none other than Doctor Emmitt Brown, and he is working on an uber scientific project. So Neo walks in.

"Hey Doc. Whazzat?" He stares at the contraption eagerly.

"This, my boy, is a time machine!"

"You built a time machine out of a Dolorian?" For that is, of course, exactly what it is.

Doc jist rolls his eyes.

So some pretty nifty things happen to Neo the youngling and he finds himself transported… elsewhere.

The woods have a very quiet, peaceful feel and Neo nearly falls asleep. Suddenly some hecka tall beings appear out of thin air and begin jabbering at Neo in a language he does not understand. He simply stares at them. The beings, Elves, to be sure, cease yammering when they realize Neo does not understand. However, they tried all the languages they know and Neo did not understand even one. That is because Elves have never heard English. It does not exist in Middle-Earth. You see, Tolkien found the Red Book of the Westmarch and had to translate it from Westron into English. But I digress. The Elves cease their yammering and instead seize Neo to bring him before the Council.

Neo comes along simply because he has no other choice. He is placed on the floor in the middle of a very round room surrounded by many odd-looking creatures in funny little chairs. He nervously glances around.

"From these parts you are definitely not." a tiny green one with huge ears states.

Neo says nothing as the rest of the Council nod.

"No precioussss… he is from the nashty lighted places. Oh the yellow eye! It burns ussss, it does, preciousss!" the skinny grey creature begins to writhe in his seat until his neighbor thwaps him with a skillet.

"Send him we will on a quest to…" the one who we know as Yoda is cut off.

"Right then. Where are we going?" Pippin randomly appears next to Neo and nods.

Neo simply stares. He hasn't been able to muster a single word since his transportation.

"You will need some people of intelligence on this mission, quest, thing." Pip glances angrily at the thief of his line, then quickly looks abashed. Lex Luthor, as played by Michael Rosenbaum, appears out of the corner to stand next to Neo and Pip.

"More do we need." Yoda nods slowly, thoughtfully.

"We must call on a person of great humor and strange appearance." Morpheus chimes in.

Kit Fisto strides from the shadows and places a thick greenish hand on Neo's shoulder. He says nothing. One must wonder if he is mute.

"Now one of great bravery in adventure." Plo Koon adds from behind his mask. He beckons and Jak trots to the center. His hair is spiked nicely and his green goatee is trimmed perfectly. Even his precursor armor gleams. Everyone in the room whistles in awe. Jak pretends not to notice.

"Protecting these won't be nearly as hard as defending all of Haven City from the metalheads, or fending off Cyber Errol!" He tilts his head and fondles his blaster. Neo looks on in awe.

Within the next few minutes Neo finds several more persons added to the quest. Obi-Wan Kenobi is among them as are Kronk, Diego and Scrat. Even Trinity shows up with her new sidekick Edna Mode. The adventurers now number in the twenties and still Neo knows not what the quest is about or where it is to go. He decides to wait patiently and stares at Trinity.

"I will enjoy watching you die…Mr. Anderson." Neo jumps. "Hsssskaa, hssssskaa." Behind him stands Darth Vader, helmet and all. Neo tries to hide behind Pippin, but is saved the trouble by another voice.

"You know, Vader, we should have a baddie contest." The young bald-headed billionaire slowly adjusts his trench coat as the room fills with clamor.

"As you wish, my master. Who shall attend said contest? Hsssskaa." Neo watches in wonder as Agent Smith himself appears with Syndrome, Scar, the Merovingian, General Grievous, and the mummy. All face off and nod seriously.

"Who is the best baddie folks?" Syndrome squeaks. He is instantly tossed from the fray. After a few hours of constant analyzing of the clips these baddies appear in, we are left with Lex, Vader, Agent Smith and the mummy. General Grievous is cut out on account of the lack of footage to study. So we have before us two bald guys, a guy in a mask and a guy who talks in a continuous monotone.

"Mr. Skywalker, it seems you have lived two lives. In one of them you were an eager little boy who loved his mummy and wanted to be a Jedi. In the other you are a Dark Lord intent on destroying the remnant of Jedi and ruling the universe. One of these lives has a future; the other was killed off during your years as a Padawan. We might be able to blame Mr. Kenobi for that." Agent Elrond hesitates for a moment. "Can we get some high-priced lawyers on that?" He glances imploringly at Lex. Lex grins cryptically and nods. Soon after this monologue, the mummy is cut from the contenders because he speaks no English. His only merit is his hecka cool looks. So we are down to three. And don't expect this to be solved. The truly complex baddies cannot be weighed. They have an incredible back story or even a history of being goodies. I mean, Lex has gone four seasons as Clark Kent's good buddy, but you know it is inevitable that they will become fierce enemies. I personally root for Lex. Then there is Vader. He was a little boy who showed promise. Granted he was played by a kid who couldn't act worth a holy halibut. Twice. But as a baddie he turns good again. How complex is that? He kills his own master after maliciously following his bidding to harm his own son. The there is Smith. I mean, he is actually the son of the Oracle! Man. Talk about family disputes. Anyway. These three will forever be locked in combat. Moving on with the story.

"By Grapthar's hammer, let us move!" One random and nameless Fellowship member cries out. So off they go, trekking out of the Council Chambers and out of Lorien Wood altogether. Neo is quite confused by this point and simply walks along with the rest in a daze. He soon finds himself being instructed by the cool, silent Jedi, Kit Fisto. He is handed a length of cylindrical metal. Kit nods encouragingly. Neo finds a small button and nervously pushes it.

Zzzzzft! A blinding shaft of orange light springs from one end of the metal and an extreme weight and heat envelopes Neo. He clings to the cylinder with both hands, directing the shaft away from his body. A steady hum fills the air and all the travelers stop to stare in awe.

"I am Inego Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." A random Spaniard steps forward from the crowd. "Do you by any chance have six fingers on you right hand?" Neo looks hesitantly at his hand, still grasping the hilt of the lightsaber. "Oh. Ok, never mind. You did not kill my father. You don't need to die." Inego walks back into the crowd.

Kit suddenly advances on Neo, drawing his own green saber. Neo nearly drops his saber, but manages to point it toward Kit. Suddenly an orange blur separates them and stills. A very small orange cat stands between them. He tips his hat back and stares directly at Kit.

"I am Master Puss, in boots. Fear me if you dare. Rrrow." In slow motion he reaches to his belt and draws a saber of his own. The blade hisses out in a flash of violet. "Ah hah!" Puss springs toward Kit's head executing a neat front flip on the way. Kit parries just in time and Puss drops back onto the ground. "The force is strong in this one." He muses. He continues to attack with swift flips and twists, but Kit proves a worthy match and soon Puss is panting on the ground. Kit puts his saber away and bows to his tiny opponent. Then he opens his mouth in more than a wry grin.

"I have a confession. I am not left handed." Kit then turns and leaves Neo with the lighted saber. Suddenly Neo feels a vibration against his hip and nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Neo. Neo can you hear me." Neo glances around.

"Hello?"

"The com link, you fool!" Neo drops the saber and it retracts as it hits the ground. He quickly reaches into his pocket and withdraws the round communicator that he finds there. He looks at it curiously, wondering how it got into his pocket.

"Neo! Neo!" Neo nearly drops it as Doc's angry voice erupts from the speaker.

"Yes darling?" He answers "I do that for you. You push to hard!" His odd words startle him and render the box silent.

"Neo, what have you been up too? You must tell me everything."

Neo gulps and begins "Come in, quickly! No! Not that quickly, you will trip over the mat and decapitate yourself!" He gulps again. "Release him or I'll cut your throat." His audience begins to titter and chuckle now. "My shoulder angel?" He glances around. "Do or do not. There is no try." This brings a peel of laughter from his companions. "The rudder's shot away. Steering won't answer!"

"Great Scot! The Force has you Precious!"


	2. TWO Hairy

A young Wolverine stands before the council rubbing his knuckles.

"Too hairy. Yes. Too hairy to begin the training." Master Yoda nods and points with his walking stick. A fat tear rolls down Wolverine's hairy face.

"I'll show them." He mutters and turns to Plo Koon. "Assist me." They leave.

Wolverine skulks through the bushes followed closely by his wonderful assistant Plo Koon. He advances slowly, sniffing the air. Plo Koon watches detachedly, standing in plain view. Suddenly Agents Smith, Jones and Brown appear, walking up the dirt road. Plo Koon stares. Wolverine lights his six sabers from his knuckles.

"Does it hurt when they come out?" He stage whispers.

Wolverine puffs up his chest. "Every time." He juts his chin, then turns back to the approaching agents.

The agents are having a debate. "Red is for the Sith, right?" Brown asks. The others nod.

"Red is Sith, but the Jedi use all the other colors." Jones nods knowingly.

"But isn't green for a Padawan and blue for a Master?" Brown looks increasingly confused. "Or is it the other way 'round?"

Finally Smith sighs. "What does it bloody matter?" He points to Plo Koon. "That lug's on the Council. Ask him. Or, better yet, ask the thing in that bush." He motions to Wolverine's hiding place, given away by the hum of his hand sabers and their multi-colored glow.

Suddenly, a vampire leaps from the bushes behind Wolverine and tackles him. Wolverine is caught off guard and his sabers retract.

"Hey! Hey! I got 'im! Looks like the military boys had ahold of him though." The vampire shouts to some unknown lurkers in a cockney accent. Plo Koon simply stands motionless the entire time, watching the bleach-haired vampire and coveting his black leather trench coat. Wolverine meanwhile is curled in a fetal position rubbing his hair into wings. Out of the trees from whence Spike the vampire leapt, comes a short blonde girl followed by an older gentleman in tweed, a skinny redhead and a gangly young man. Each of them holds quaint weapons of some form or another. The lead girl hoists a crossbow fitted with wooden bolts, the man behind her carries a cross and a jar of holy water and the other two awkwardly grasp short wooden stakes.

"It is a werewolf, right?" The red haired girl askes hesitantly. "We don't wanna kill it."

Spike nods. "Yeh, a furry one two. He has some really random light things though. Creeps me out." He shakes his head. He turns to Plo Koon. "Whoah, lookit yer mug! Wha' happen?" He suddenly bursts into hysteric laughter. Meanwhile the Agents separate and spread out, surrounding the group and suddenly multiply into hundreds of Smiths.

About this time the Millennium Falcon swoops in and Chewie guns down the Smiths. They keep returning, and regenerating and alla that, but it allows Han to race down the ramp and help Wolverine, Plo Koon, Spike, Buffy, Giles, Willow and Xander into the ship. The ship takes them to New York in the 1920's.

At this point, I interrupt the story, or at least this thread of it, to introduce a special guest. All welcome Mr. Liam Neeson!

Liam strides into the room and immediately is inundated by all of his followers.

"Master!" Obi-Wan looks at him in wonder. "You were dead."

"Master!" Young Batman glares. "You were dead."

"Master!" Orlando Bloom's character from Kingdom of Heaven greets. "You were dead."

Liam looks at him for longer than the others. "No. I am your father."

"Right. Knew that." OB (not to be confused with "Obi") hangs his head.

Peter Pevensie looks thoughtful. "That voice…Aslan? Master! You were dead."

Liam sighs. "Seems that is a trend."

But the agitation that this encounter causes these four young men/boys is immense. They glare at each other.

"Your Master?" Peter looks confused.

"My Master!" Obi-Wan argues firmly.

"He died." Orli says.

"Alive now." Peter states.

"Turned to the Dark Side." Batman states.

At that, Obi-Wan starts and glares at Batman. "You lie!" He glances back to Liam then hangs his head in confusion.

The arguments continue and become more heated. Finally, the four resort to fighting. Obi draws his saber, OB and Peter their swords, and Batman resorts to cool gadgets, looking in disgust at the other weapons.

Some maiming occurs before Liam reasserts himself. No death. Just maiming. And let me assure you that Ewan is fine. About this time, after the scuffle, the little red haired boy from Love Actually appears and grabs Liam's hand. Other strangely dressed old-time highland Scots appear and every one glares and argues.

"My dad. Well, not really dad…" The red haired boy looks at him in awe.

All the Pevensie children are here now. "I liked him better as a lion…" Edmund states.

"Robert MacGregor? Rob! Rob Roy!" A hefty Scot claps Liam heartily on the back.

Batman continues to scowl. "Should be dead. No good can come of this."

"My Master! I can't believe he's alive!" Obi-Wan dances around.

"Father," is all OB from Kingdom of Heaven can say.

**A/N: **_Coming up next: The JACK Convention featuring Jacks such as Jack Sparrow, Jack Aubrey, Jack Frost, Jack Black, Jack Worthing, Kangaroo Jack, and Jack London, and many more. Don't miss out! By-the-by, I do realize I've left out man, if not most, of Liam's parts. I simply picked the ones that worked best for this line of thought. 'Course, this line of thought wavers and is quire random and will likely change within the hour…_


	3. Jack THREE

_Still digressing from a previous storyline (ha, what a joke), I bring you THE JACKS. Yes, that's plural. Ok then. _

Jack Aubrey, Captain of the HMS Surprise, strolls along the shoreline, lost in thought. Not until he walks headlong into a gallows does he look up. Hanging there, one foot propping his weight from the ribcage of another long-dead pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow grins.

"Cut me down, wont you?" Jack Sparrow whispers around the choking noose.

"I'll do no such thing." Jack Aubrey looks distastefully at the pirate. He begins to walk again when a flurry of activity catches his eye on his right, farther inland. He sees some bright colors and much movement.

Still completely ignoring Jack Sparrow, Jack Aubrey, heads towards the activity. The strangest sight then assaults his eyes. A young boy in a blue tunic is wrestling with a lanky lad. The boy in the blue tunic is very abnormal. It takes Jack Aubrey a full minute to figure out what makes him so different. While observing the scuffling lads, Jack Aubrey realizes that the one has very yellow hair and it stands on end. His eyebrows are bright green and his blue eyes are huge and luminous. Upon his left shoulder is bound a silver pauldron and on his right wrist a vambrace. His feet are bare but wrapped partially in an off-white cloth. The boy is very buff.

After making the realization that this boy is not the normal sort of boy, Jack Aubrey turns his eyes to observe the other scuffling lad. This boy is normal in almost every sense. His hair is brown, though cropped quite short, but his clothing is very odd. He wears trousers, but they are of a strange blue material and seem not to fit well. Upon his feet are two very large, boat-shaped shoes. His shirt is most strange to Jack Aubrey, however. It is very simple, seeming to be an undergarment. The sleeves stop abruptly above the elbow and no lace or fringe decorates it at all. Scrawled across the chest of the green shirt are the letters v-o-l-c-o-m. Jack Aubrey shakes his head in wonder.

After standing for a full five minutes in observation, Jack Aubrey moves to intervene. "Now then, lads, what have we got here?" He asks kindly, laying a hand on each of them.

The boys look startled at first, then ashamed.

"I told him my name and he attacked me," the lanky one in the undershirt states.

Jack Aubrey looks to the other. The boy nods, saying nothing.

"And what, pray tell, is your name?" He turns back to the Volcom boy.

The boy looks confused for a brief moment. "Well, my name is Jonathan Roessler, but my friend calls me Jak. Spelled j-a-k. After him." He jabs his finger in the direction of the other boy. A fire rekindles in the other boy's eyes. Jack Aubrey looks startled.

"I will not lie, it is the first time I have heard Jonathan changed to Jack, and the first time I have ever heard it spelled as such."

The other boy begins scribbling figures in the sand, while the newly introduced Jak Roessler looks longingly at the woods.

While they do this this, a tall, angry looking young man appears. He looks vaguely familiar and it takes Jack Aubrey a few seconds to figure out why. He realizes that this new person looks very like the silent lad. However, this angry man has lank yellow hair and a green goatee. His clothing is rough and tight and he wears steel-toed boots. He also hefts a very odd-looking musket.

This new young person glares at all and sundry. Jack Aubrey is so confused at this point that he decides not to even open his mouth.

"Hey!" Jak Roessler exclaims. "I know him too! That's Jak II." He looks smugly to Jack Aubrey.

"My, my," Jack Aubrey peers at the odd man and decides that Jak Roessler might be a good person to have around.

"I wonder if Jak 3 is here." Jak Roessler muses.

Just then another strange man appears. He grins jovially however, and approaches Jack Aubrey and Jak Roessler. This man wears similar apparel as the last. However, he wears much more armor and the armor is bronze rather than silver. His paired paldrons, greaves, and vambraces compliment his ribbed breastplate. On his shoulder he carries another strange musket. His hair is shorter than both the other odd young people.

"Well, cool!" Jak Roessler hoots. "I made him come!"

"I see you've met the others." Jak 3 motions to his two past selves, "Jak X will be around shortly."

"Nice! I haven't seen much of Jak X." Jak Roessler waits in anticipation.

About that time another young person walks up. This person resembles Jak Roessler more than the other Jaks, both in appearance and dress. However, this lad's hair is even shorter than Jak Roessler's.

"And who are you?" Jack Aubrey asks, hoping he can keep on top of the conversation before it gets out of hand.

"I'm Jack." The young person states. Jack Aubrey notices that his voice is slightly high.

"Jack/Kiera, you mean." Jack Aubrey is only just recovering from the shock of another Jack when this tall girl appears from nowhere. "She's a fake." The girl states.

"Hey!" The first girl pouts.

"Doesn't matter," continues the second, "Some call me Jack, too."

"Jack two?" Jack Aubrey raises an eyebrow.

"No, you looney, Jack, ALSO. Max calls me Jack. She's my friend. We each have about seventy different names. Well, not seventy, I lie, but a great many."

Jack Aubrey rolls his eyes at the chattering girl and begins to walk away.

"Hey, you aren't gonna just leave Jack Sparrow hanging there like that are you?" Jak Roessler yells after him. Jack Aubrey walks faster.

"Tell me, sir, wherever is the train station in this place?" Jack Aubrey is startled by a random gentleman. He quickly glances him up and down and finds that he is appropriately appareled and even speaks with a nicely distinct upper-class British accent. Jack Aubrey sighs in relief.

"My good sir, I know of no such facility upon this island. I arrived by ship, you see." Here Jack Aubrey extends his hand. "I am Captain Jack Aubrey of Her Majesty's Ship, the Surprise."

The other man meets his hand. "I, sir, am Earnest Worthing."

"Finally!" Jack Aubrey exclaims. "a man named other than Jack."

Mr. Worthing looks somewhat uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Captain, I don't understand."

"Well, it seems everybody on this bloody island is named Jack, even the ladies."

At this Mr. Worthing looks very put out. "Well, my good Captain, I feel I must now confess that my name is, in fact, John."

"Are you then called Jack?" Jack Aubrey is aghast.

"I cannot deny it. Well, I could if I wanted…" He trails off. Jack Aubrey is looking very distressed.

It is then that another very odd man appears. This one is by far the oddest. He seems to be only two-dimensional and wears a very long white robe. He has an impressive sword attached to his back. This man looks rather Asian and very peculiar to Jack Aubrey.

"There is an unfortunate man hanging by the neck down on the beach." The odd man states, concernedly.

"He's a dog!" Jack Aubrey exclaims vehemently.

"Even dogs should not be treated like dogs…" the newcomer says sadly.

Jack Aubrey looks the man up and down once more. "You are Jack, right?"

"That is right!" replies he, "I am Samurai Jack, traveling far and wide to find my destiny."

"Trust me, you won't find it here." Jack Aubrey says with decided sadness.

Jack Aubrey heads off down the beach once more, leaving Samurai Jack and Jack Worthing deep in conversation. He jumps at every noise and glances around frequently, in search of new, unwelcome people who share his name. After several uneventful minutes striding across the sand, Jack Aubrey comes upon a man lying in the sand. He appears to have been hit over the head and is in a dead faint. Knowing of nothing else to do, Jack Aubrey kneels next to the swooned man and rolls him onto his back. This reveals an ever-so-slightly handsome man with a very long and crooked nose. Jack looks about for something to help wake the man up when the unconscious man groans and his eyes flutter open.

"Oh, you woke up," Jack Aubrey states.

"Yeah," the man replies, "I always do."

"And what, sir, is your last name?"

The man gives him a strange look. "Driscoll. I'm a playwright."

"Well Jack Driscoll, what brings you here?" Jack Aubrey says.

Jack Driscoll looks at Jack Aubrey strangely again. "I don't know. I think I may have passed out. It happens a lot." He hangs his head.

"Is that man ok?" A voice behind Jack Aubrey nervously asks. Jack Aubrey turns to see two elderly gentlemen. The one which spoke is decidedly British.

"I think he'll live." Jack Aubrey answers. "And who might you be?"

"Ah, this, sir, is Jack London, famed American novelist." The British man introduces his companion. "We met not five minutes ago on this very beach."

"I don't doubt it." Jack Aubrey mutters.

The man continues. "I am Clive Staples Lewis." Both Jack Aubrey and Jack London grimace. "Yes, I know." Lewis continues, "When I was very young, I renamed myself. You may call me Jack."

"Of course I may." Jack Aubrey is beyond surprise. "Who else will I meet?"

He again walks away before they can ask his name, leaving Jack Driscoll in the care of the two writers.

Jack Aubrey notices an very odd thing about now, I realize that all of this is odd, but now he sees a small child in a bright red suit crawling along in the sand. The baby glances at him and smiles mischievously before disappearing only to reappear a few yards from Jack Aubrey. He starts and peers curiously at the child. The little boy sticks out his tongue and plays with the few hairs on his head. Hairs that, Jack Aubrey noticed, stood straight up.

"Well then little fellow, where's your mum?" The baby coos and seems to melt into the sand. Jack Aubrey catches a glimpse of him floating away down the beach. He shakes his head and continues on his way.

At this point Jack Aubrey finds himself facing a very odd thing for such a place: a wooden door. His curiosity gets the best of him and he tentatively reaches for the handle. Suddenly the door splinters. A huge ax chops it to bits and a large, crazed man leaps through.

"Heeeere's Johnny!" He shouts. After a brief pause, he asks, "Was that good, did I dot it?" He looks about, confused. "Hey? Where'd everybody go?" His gaze falls upon Jack Aubrey. "Where the heck am I?"

"That is the question," Jack mutters and leaves Jack Nicolson puzzling over the remnants of his door.

By this time, Jack Aubrey has walked around the entire island and again bumps into the gallows. He looks up and the very shabby pirate grins at him in a goofy manner.

"Gonna cut me down now?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Jack."

"_Captain_ Jack…" the pirate mutters.

Jack Aubrey wheels about. "Captain? You are master of a sailing vessel?"

"It is true."

"And your name, in full?" Jack Aubrey prompts.

"Captain Jack Sparrow, of the Black Pearl." His eyes catch a crazed light.

"How does it feel to Captain a pirate vessel and be hanged for it?" Jack Aubrey asks amusedly.

"Ah, it's not so bad," Jack Sparrow answers with a shrug.

"I see." Jack Aubrey moves on again, tracing his previous steps. Soon Jak Roessler greets him, followed by many of the other Jacks/Jaks.

"Hey, guess what loser came by." Jak Roessler says.

"Another Jack, I assume," Jack Aubrey says.

"Yes, Jack from _Titanic_." Jak Roessler looks disgusted.

Jack Aubrey is confused, but won't admit it. "Oh," is all he says.

"But Jackie Can came by for a bit," Jak Roessler explains. "He taught me how to hit a wall without breaking my hand." He looks excited. "Oh! And Jak X finally made it. He's so cool."

A roar of an engine follows this remark and makes Jack Aubrey jump. Something he is completely unfamiliar with flashes into view. It is a very shiny car, but Jack Aubrey doesn't know that. It screeches to a halt in front of Jak Roessler and Jack Aubrey. A lanky young man leaps from the seat and greets them. Jack Aubrey notices that he is yet another older version of the Jaks. He sighs.

It is about this time when a man in a nice suit walks up to the gathering. He looks very confused. Jak Roessler smirks at him. Jack the tall, talkative girl grins widely. Everyone effectively ignores this new person.

"Excuse me. Would someone tell me where I am? I need to be elsewhere," the newcomer asks.

Jak Roessler sighs. "It's a Jack convention, doncha see?"

"I'm sorry?" The man gives the boy a confused look. "I guess you all don't realize who I am. I'm John Kennedy, President of the United States of America." At this most of the Jacks/Jaks gasp.

"You're dead," Jack the talkative girl says.

"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise," one man states.

"Who?" Samurai Jack asks.

"George Bush is the president," Jak Roessler states.

"Whatever happened to Washington?" One older Jack wonders.

"I climbed a beanstalk," one small boy states proudly.

"Ok, guys, here's the deal. We can all just get out of here if we swim, right?" a portly man says. His eyes hold a vaguely crazed look. "It's like when we were on Skull Island in that one movie, or no! When I was with that Hanks kid about college." The man looks crazier and crazier.

"Hey, do I know you?" Jack Driscoll looks at him strangely. "You look an awful lot like a man I really hate."

"Oooo, sorry about that." Jack Black hides behind Samurai Jack.

"Look, I really don't think that Jack Sparrow is having very much fun," Jack the talkative girl observes.

"I'll bet not," Jack Aubrey replies.

"Fine,_ I'll_ cut him down," Jak Roessler takes a pocket knife down the beach towards Jack Sparrow. Jack Aubrey follows apprehensively.

"Hang on there," Jak Roessler says to Jack Sparrow.

"Yes, I am," Jack Sparrow says dryly.

As soon as the rope snaps, every Jack/Jak is returned to his/her appropriate story/time. So there. That is the end of the JACK convention. Remember. You really don't know Jack.

_I realize I left out many famous Jacks, but I think I got most of them. If there is a pressing one, lemme know and mebbe I'll write him in. _


End file.
